by Orion Braggadocio & Jason Bax
Almost everyone wants to be successful at what they do. And we work so hard to get there. But sometimes we stand back and scratch our heads wondering, “How did (fill in the blank) become so successful?” Some people just make it look so damn easy, no? Judging by some of the seemingly improbable successes we’ve all seen in Hollywood and in politics by people who we can reasonably assume were born under especially lucky stars, I’ve compiled 7 of the most unusual habits of highly successful people.
1. Pimp Out Your Children: While many parents are supportive of their children’s acting careers, a few have crossed the line from Stage Mom to straight out Mommy-Pimp. Everyone remembers the terrible struggle Brook Shields faced with her Mom for exploiting her sexuality for money at an uncomfortably young age, which eventually drove a wedge between them in her adulthood. More recently, America has watched in horror as Andrea Arlington proudly pimped her teenage daughters out on E!’s Pretty Wild reality television series. This show has no shortage of blurred naked scenes of Tess Taylor and Alexis Neiers as they change their clothes for various events, as well as model lingerie in keeping with their mother’s former career. Although all lingerie models are young, there is something especially creepy about this Mom’s enthusiasm to strip her daughters of their self-esteem and human dignity.
2. Assault Your Employees: If lack of self-control and physical abuse is the prerequisite for success, Naomi Campbell is the hands-down guru, as Chairman of the Board and CEO of Felony Assault Incorporated. This woman enjoys one of the most luxurious lifestyles in the world as result of her long career as a fashion supermodel. However, despite her fame and accumulation of wealth, Naomi Campbell has chosen a path of violence and physical abuse towards the people she surrounds herself with. Most recently, Ms. Campbell’s felonious activities were exceeded only by her total lack of judgment for consorting with and accepting blood diamonds from one of the most despised war criminals in the world today. So for those kids at home looking for a role model, judging by Naomi Campbell’s example, apparently physical violence will get you everywhere!
3. Invent a Coin Phrase For Your Abs: According to all reports, Jersey Shore star, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, will be pulling in a whopping $5 million by year’s end. Holy fazul? Did I hear that right? You did. Dubbing himself, “The Situation” because of his ability to turn anything into a situation, including his 6-pack abdominal muscles, Michael Sorrentino went from moron to millionaire laughing and counting his fat stacks all the way to the bank.
4. Dump Someone Famous for Someone More Famous: This is a tried and true Hollywood practice with remarkable effect for securing one’s place amongst Hollywood royalty. No one knows this better than his majesty, Brad Pitt. From Gwyneth Paltrow to Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie, Mr. Pitt has managed to romance his way into the arms of the most sought-after “It Girls” of the day at the peak of their respective careers. Coincidence? Or cunning habit of one of America’s most successful A-list actors? You decide.
5. Eat, Sleep, and Breathe Crazy: Two words: Mel Gibson.
6. Act Like a Hypocrite: Your teachers always told you that nobody likes a hypocrite. But what they didn’t tell you is that hypocrisy could bring oh so much success to one’s life. Just ask Ken Mehlman, former head of the Republican National Committee, who advocated anti-LGBT legislation and presided over divisive anti-gay campaign tactics. Oh, and did I mention that Ken Mehlman is gay? Now, if projecting self-hatred were a currency, Mr. Mehlman would be a self-made billionaire before George Bush could say, “Mission Accomplished!”
7. Wear a Fedora: Invented in the late 1800s, and made famous in the 1940s by Humphrey Bogart, the fedora staged a fashion comeback in recent years thanks to Justin Timberlake amongst other Hollywood moguls. The classic fedora style is Hollywood’s gift to fashion that seems to keep on giving. From L.L. Cool J to Madonna this ultra cool brimmed hat has made its way onto the heads of the most successful people in entertainment.